


Home

by MasonAddZ



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Episode: s15e20 Carry On Coda, Fix-It, Love Confessions, M/M, New Yorker voice - I'm processing here, i guess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:47:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27662254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MasonAddZ/pseuds/MasonAddZ
Summary: Dean finds himself struggling to come to grips with his presence in heaven, until a familiar face turns up to provide some answers.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	Home

Dean sank into the soothing hum of the impala as he rode along the road. The longer he travelled, the more the doubt began to creep under his skin and settle into his bones. Everything that had happened, leaving Sam, seeing Bobby, discovering he was in heaven, and not… It was a lot. So much so that he found himself naturally supressing the dizzying questions that reverberated in his skull. Instead, he opted to take a ride. If this was heaven, then surely he was allowed time to process, to think things through at his own pace. One thought had been inescapable though; what if this wasn’t heaven? What if everything that had happened was all part of Chuck’s final trick? An eternity of uncertainty…

The thought took root in his core, and no amount of rationale would assuage it. He gripped onto the wheel harder, shifting his weight in the seat trying to shake the feeling that something was off about all of this. His eyes began to wonder to his surroundings, trying to find fault or flaw in anything that composed his environment. Though he found nothing, he still couldn’t be certain that Chuck’s attention to detail wouldn’t be so finely concentrated in this one last game.

It was when he felt himself spiralling down around the maddening depths of despair that he heard it.

“Hello Dean.”

The voice was gruff and monotonous, and there was no mistaking it. The hunter’s heart stopped for a moment as he instinctively slammed on the breaks and brought the car to a screeching halt. Dean threw himself out his seat and on to the road, taking slow steps backward as he kept his eyes locked on other side of the car. His heart thud heavy against his chest and his pulse was audible as he held his breath in anticipation.

Dean watched in awe as the passenger side door opened and a familiar figure stepped out. His’s knees threated to give way as a watched a trench coat clad man turn and face him over the roof of the low set car.

“Cas?” Disbelief caught in Dean’s throat as he stood motionless for fear that his balance wouldn’t hold. “What? H- How?”

“Jack.” Cas answered simply, as he took slow steps around the car and towards Dean.

“I thought the Empty…”

“It appears that Jack and Amara together have more influence than Chuck had alone.” Despite looking in his general direction, Cas’s eyes wouldn’t meet Dean’s, which were firmly locked on the face of the man he couldn’t quite believe was real.

“And what? You couldn’t visit?” A familiar sensation began to course through Dean now, fighting back the numbness that had begun to set in. He was angry. 

“We’ve been alone for over a year! Me, Sam, Eileen! And you what?!” His voice wavered somewhat before he caught himself with a steadying breath. Cas stood in front of him now, a contemplative expression making him impossible to read. Dean didn’t care, though. He found his words coming without needing to force them.

“I prayed to you every night. I-“ He could feel the sting in his eyes, his finger jabbing into the air between the two. “I just needed to see you, Cas. I needed to know that you were okay. For all I knew you were still there.”

Dean’s hand fell with one last half-hearted jab as he used the other to wipe his face, hoping to regain composure.

“Dean, I-“

“Don’t.”

The silence in that moment seemed to last whole lifetimes. Cas’s head lowered a little and his brow furrowed as he thought on his next words.

“Jack needed me to help set things right. We’ve been building whole universes from nothing, that takes time.” Cas’s voice remained flat, which hurt Dean more than he anticipated.

“He couldn’t just have Amara help with that? He had to have you too?” His voice was barely above a whisper now.

“I volunteered.” Cas looked away, his own voice lowering with the admission.

“You-“ Dean huffed in disbelief, shaking his head. “You left me alone for all that time, and then I die and you what? Think now is the perfect time to come for a visit?”

“You weren’t supposed to die, Dean. You were supposed to live.” Cas looked at Dean, searching for his eyes. He only found them when Dean responded, almost immediately.

“How was I meant to do that without you?” Silence fell again, but this time it felt different…more electric. Neither one wanted to be the first to speak, but Cas knew that it was his turn. He also knew that he owed Dean an explanation, but he knew he would never be able to articulate one.

Dean sniffled as he drew a deep breath and took a few anxious steps.

“This?” He gestured around. “This was you?”

Cas nodded.

“Nice work. Very convincing.” He nodded, more to himself than anything else. “Real nice of Chuck to let you out of the Empty again. Real charitable.”

“You think this is Chuck?” Cas took a step towards Dean, who was almost pacing now.

“Yeah, why not?” Dean stopped, his eyes flickering over Cas, searching once more for flaws and inconsistencies. Once again, he found none.

“Chuck is gone, Dean.” Cas’s concern was audible. “Jack is in charge now.” 

“Then why didn’t you come home, Cas?” Dean’s voice was low again, defeat threatening to overwhelm him. “Not even once…You’re Jack’s right hand angel and he couldn’t even spare five minutes?”

“Time…” Cas breathed, thinking hard how to explain. “It’s complicated. Difficult to get right. While we were unwinding it, we got a little…lost.”

“Lost?”

“Time loses meaning when you’re so entangled with it. One year for you was simultaneously millennia and milliseconds for me.”

Dean’s head bowed. This information, though enlightening, did nothing to ease him. “What’s changed now? Why are you here?”

“Because you are, Dean.” Cas let a moment pass before continuing. “Because while I couldn’t hear your prayers, I could still feel them. I could still feel you.”

Dean clenched his jaw.

“I could feel your distress here. Jack let me leave his side to be here.”

“Convenient.” Dean huffed a laugh.

“We’re still trying to figure it out. Time is still…messy.” He chanced a smile at Dean then, watching as something shifted in his eyes. “He and Amara felt they can take things from here.”

Dean nodded, his heart beginning to race once more. “What does that mean for you?”

“It means that I am no longer needed.” His hands extended out in a gesture that was referencing himself.

Dean found himself speaking without thinking then. “I n-“ His voice caught and tears began to well in his eyes. 

He turned away from Cas, not wanting the angel to see him like this. As he turned, though he noticed that his surroundings had changed. He found himself indoors, now. A small dining room that connected to a living room through open doors in the direction he was facing, and a kitchen through another open door to his right. Confusion washed over him as his eyes darted around the room, taking notice of very little, but scanning everything.

Finally, he turned to Cas, confusion mixing with fear.

“Jack.” Cas said simply.

Panic flitted through Dean as he felt the clothes he wore shift to something lighter, his feet feeling the cool air rather than the confines of his boots. He found himself now wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a black t-shirt. He grabbed at the shirt in distress, looking to Cas for answers only to see that he, too wore something similar. Sweatpants and a long sleeve shirt.

Cas smiled as he looked Dean up and down, nodding. “He wants you to be comfortable.”

Dean laughed with force this time. “Comfortable? You think I’m comfortable feeling like this?” He barely had time to regret his choice of words before Cas responded.

“We decided it’s best not to dull the senses too much.” His voice was devoid of any emotion as he explained. “Divine bliss can make people complacent…stagnant.”

“So this is what? Life 2.0?” Dean’s face held some of the disbelief that his voice was laden with.

“In a manner of speaking.” Cas nodded.

Silence fell once more, but this time it felt closer. Calmer.

“Cas-“ Dean looked down for a moment before looking back up with a purposefulness, the two of them locking eyes. “What you said before you…”

“I’m sorry.” Cas interjected as Dean trailed off. This caught Dean off-guard somewhat.

“You’re sorry?”

“I should have visited you. Sent you a sign.” He looked down for a moment. “I thought Miracle would help ease the pain, but I should have done more, I see that now.”

Dean chuckled in disbelief despite himself. 

“I also shouldn’t have burdened you with…what I told you.” If Dean didn’t know better, he would have sworn Castiel was blushing.

“You saved me, okay?” Dean took a step towards the angel. “Because of what you did, we got Chuck, Jack gets to play God and I…I get to be in heaven.”

Castiel could hear the acceptance settling in with Dean’s words as he spoke.

“You didn’t burden me with anything, okay?” Dean had moved closer, now. His hand coming up to grip Castiel’s shoulder tight. 

Dean wanted to say more, tell him everything he had said in all those prayers. He wanted to tell him how he didn’t think he could live in a world without him. How when he would go with Sam to visit Eileen just to get him out of the bunker, he felt like a part of him was dying; rotting away while the rest of him limped on. He wanted to tell him how he tried to live a normal life, get a normal job, build something productive to make up for all the damage he had done throughout his life but found himself falling back into the hunt, time and time again because getting lost in it was easier than feeling the grief that haunted him.

He didn’t tell him any of this, though. All he could bring himself to do was pull Castiel into a tight hug, tears flowing freely now. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” He whispered into Castiel’s shoulder.

Cas’s eyes closed as he hugged dean back, tears pushed through to fall down his cheeks.

“Cas…” Dean held him tighter still. “I lo-“

A lump in his throat forced him to stop and defied his attempts to swallow it down. He took a shaky breath, strength beginning to leave him as his leaned more into Castiel’s arms.

“I know.” The thickness in Castiel’s voice betrayed his coolness.

“No.” Dean grasped the shoulders of the angel, who’s own hands worked to steady Dean. “I need to say this. I need you to hear this. Even if all of this is…”

Dean looked around, blinking slowly through tear filled eyes in an attempt to regain composure.

“I love you, Castiel.” Deans voice was steady, grounded. He spoke with a firmness that conveyed the certainty he felt. “I can’t live…I can’t…be…another moment without you knowing that.”

Cas looked into Dean’s eyes as tears ran over his cheeks, a wide smile breaking on his face. He laughed, despite himself. A thousand words were said in that moment of silence between the two. Their hands didn’t move, but both began to laugh lightly.

That’s when Cas’s eyes changed. It was almost as if he disappeared for a moment before returning, all energy drained from his body. He stumbled a little toward Dean, hands unable to steady himself against the human.

“Cas?!” Dean’s panicked hands cradled his head as it threatened to loll lifelessly. Castiel took a stumbling step, hands grasping at Dean’s shirt for support. 

“Dean-“ Cas gasped.

“What? What’s happening?” 

“He…”

“Who?!” Dean’s panic was raising now, his eyes darting to every corner and shadow in the room.

“Jack…”

“What?” Confusion came then. “What’d he do?”

“He’s made me…human.” His voice sounded unsure.

“Human?”

“No…” Castiel’s strength began to return as found himself standing tall once again, neither of them letting go of the other. “I’m not human. But I’m not angel either. I’m…something else.”

Dean looked Cas up and down, waiting for him to explain further.

“Jack told me that one day he wouldn’t need me anymore. One day he would be able to continue without my guidance.” Cas’s heavy breathing became lighter. “And when that happened, I would be free. To know true peace when I found it.”

Dean’s eyes searched Cas’s face desperately as he tried to process the information.

There was little time for thinking, however, as in a moment Cas pulled Dean in close to him, his lips meeting the other man’s with gentle force. A jolt of electricity rippled through Dean as his hands slid over Cas. One moved to hold his head closer, while the other pushed Cas by his lower back against Dean’s body. Cas’s hands were moving too, over Dean’s back and his shoulders, moving beneath his shirt to feel the warmth of his skin. 

The two moved together, smiling between deep kisses that they couldn’t seem to stop. Without their knowing how, they soon found themselves in another room, with a bed set neatly in the middle. The two stopped for a moment, arms still around each other, foreheads touching as they both held back excited laughter.

As Cas moved away from Dean, his hand lightly traced down the other’s arm until it met his hand, where fingers motioned to intertwine. Cas walked further into the room as Dean turned towards the entrance.

He closed the door on the dimly lit corridor and turned towards the bed where Cas now stood smiling in anticipation. Dean felt his entire body become lighter at the sight. He replayed the words in his head; I love you, Castiel. 

Smiling wide, he walked toward Cas, his hands coming up to hold him again. For a moment they stood there, and in that moment he knew, deep in his core, what he had so far refused to accept. He was happy. He was at peace.

He was home.

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a poorly written, ill characterised drabble that I wrote in about 2 hours because I have a lot of ~feelings~ I need to work through after whatever happened in that finale
> 
> I haven't written anything properly in about 5 years, so please excuse the everything about the writing quality
> 
> If I end up returning to this, I'll likely end up editing here and there and fleshing some things out because I, and I imagine a lot of you, need to actually have some damn catharsis right about now
> 
> Hope you enjoy!


End file.
